Two posts in one day... weird, I know... Talking to an old old friend last night, which got me thinking. (... at the risk of pissing anyone off... I MIGHT say something offensive below. I might not, but I might. Since this is my website, I figure I can say whatever I want to, and you don't have to read it, but I also figure it's polite to say that I might offend somebody in case there are some random people reading this drivel... so, I've said it. And that being said, these are my own musings and are not aimed at or intended to hurt anyone.) About Christianity kind of. And what it does for/to one's wants. If Christianity has something that you want, (a thing or person or job or something kind of tangible in a way) and the only way to get it is to really become a Christian, (not learn about it or understand it, but really BECOME) then you will probably never get it. Say, you really want to be a youth pastor of your old church b/c you enjoyed it when you were a kid or what have you. But you're not REALLY Christian. And you pretty much have to be in order to be in this position. You have two options... try to fake it and get what you want or concentrate on being Christian in hopes that you might get what you want. If you go the first route, you may eventually get what you want, but you'll most assuredly lose it due to your deception. (given time) And, if you go the second route, you might be able to keep what you want, but you'll most assuredly never actually get it. Turns out that a huge part of Christianity is forgoing one's individual wants and desires. Giving into Christianity means totally forgetting anything and everything you ever wanted. Because you're going to let God decide what's best for you. And you will accept what happens b/c it is what God has chosen to have happen to you. On one hand, it's kind of ok sounding. You don't have to really worry about anything. Doesn't mean you don't have to DO anything, but you really shouldn't have to worry about anything. The only reason people worry is because they're afraid that their plan for their life is going to get screwed up. If your plan for your life is God's plan for your life, and He won't tell you that plan (which, apparently, He won't), then how can you ever be worried that the plan is off track as long as you're doing what you think God is telling you to do? But I'm getting off topic about the want stuff. If you totally give your life over (meaning that you no longer have a plan for yourself), then you simply stop wanting anything other than God's plan. (I think) So, that job you wanted? Unless God also wants you to be doing that job and not anything else, you aren't going to get it. Of course, if you're a good Christian, you won't care, b/c you'll be following God's plan. Realizing that becomming a Christian inherently means that you should be giving up everything you wanted to do with your life is tough. And, I suppose all I'm saying is that it's totally pointless to want anything that a lack of a true sense of Christianity is blocking you from having. And I'm not sure how I feel about the whole thing yet. I know that I try to see myself in terms of the things that I want to do with my life or the things that I want in life. And I think I've always done that. And I'd be surprised to find out that that's not what other people do too. The point of life has been to figure out what I want and do what I can to get it. Some things that I want, I figured out years ago and have wanted ever since. Some things, I'm not totally sure what I want yet. But that's how I grow, dammit. Figure out what you want, try to get it, succeed or fail, figure out what you want... blahblahblah... So, Christianity is simply offering to take away my ability to determine what I want. Or what is good for me. And, if something is not good for me, and I'm living a Christian life, I'm not going to get that something no matter how much I want it. Ugh... probably should have written this last night if it wasn't so late. If you actually got this far in reading this, sorry I've got no major climax. The whole Religion thing just annoys me so much. The more I think I figure out about it, the less I like the idea of it, and the more I think it might be true. It's good to know the truth, but it sucks when the truth turns out to be the exact opposite of what you wanted it to be.

Labels: Religion

I've done a LOT of work on the bootleg section here for all of you who care. Finally finished adding all the 2003 PJ shows and am in the process of now adding some from '92 - '94. And by "work", I just mean entering the shows in the database - functionality hasn't really changed. Hm. 02 March 1992 Show Track 8 (Saying No - formerly called Suggestion) is a great great song. Funky, groovy... and it means something... cool. Enough of that tho. Pearl Jam is already famously kick-ass. Cast Iron Filter... made it to the Raleigh and Flat Rock shows this weekend. Met Paco, Nick, Karen, and Chris. Which was good. Nick should have the Raleigh show posted on his site shortly. When he does, I'll definitely post a link here. It was an amazing set including Model-T, Morgantown, Wiregrass, and Murder, but also some 100% NEW songs - Men Who Die Young, Redemption, and Falls of Rough. I'd never heard Redemption before (apparently built off of one of Brian's drumbeats), but it's amazing. From what I could decipher, the lyrics are just as good as the music too. We might have a new forerunner for the album's single. Oh, and I got to run lights in Raleigh... had no clue what I was doing, but it was fun. Probably moved them too much and not enough at the same time, but I was sort of getting the hang of it towards the end. There were definitely a couple of places where I timed it just right, and that was pretty awesome. And, naturally, afterwards, I thought of a zillion things that I would have liked to have done better/differently. Maybe some other time. And maybe I'll get a light that'll just shine on Phil some other time too. We'll see... Got to Hickory at about 7am on Saturday morning, slept 'til noon, then drove to Flat Rock. On the way to Raleigh, David Bowie kept me company with the Remastered Ziggy Stardust soundtrack, and on the way to Flat Rock, Yield cemented itself as one of my top-five favorite albums ever. EVER. I do this thing where I turn the radio up whenever a good song comes on, then I'll turn it back down a little when a not-as-good song comes on. Problem was that I NEVER got to a point where I would want to turn Yield down. Listened to it at least four times in a row b/t Friday night and Saturday. If you don't have this album, I'm BEGGING you to go get it. But I'm off topic again... (Go get Yield) Flat Rock was a shorter set, but still sweet. No Redemption, but Men Who Die Young blazed by with Dustin having a great scream at the end. I really desperately hope they get a good producer on this album. The songs have so much potential... I don't want another Ugly Town... But yes, Flat Rock was good. Sold a lot of stuff, and everyone was very complimentary of the band. It's odd when people tell me "I love you guys so much" or some variation thereof. I mean, come on, all I do is stand around and try to make you buy CD's b/c I think you'll like them. You don't love me, you love THEM. Or, rather, their music. Nevertheless, I say "thank you" and continue to hock my wares... "No, no... you don't want that one... well, actually none of those songs are any of these albums yet... no, the bassist and drummer aren't on any of these albums either... uhm... this is the only one that is similiar to what you're hearing tonight... but it IS 2 for $20, so why not get their first album as well?" You get the idea... The crowd was older... kind of Neighborhood Theater-ish from a couple of weekends ago... but the response was entirely different. While some (SOME) of the N. Theater crowd found CIF somewhat grating, it seemed like everyone at Flat Rock loved them. Sometimes it's nice to have conversations with older people who like the same thing as you as opposed to super super drunk dudes who just want to hear "Like a Prayer." Anyway... good times all around. Both nights. Super tired by the time I got back, but it was worth it. (And if I didn't have to work next weekend, I'd do it again - but I'll still be at Zigggy's on Friday, so come there and say hi, but come early, cuz CIF opens.)

Labels: Cast Iron Filter, concerts, music

Lots and lots of things happening... relatively. But most importantly to most anyone reading this, the new CIF show is posted. The show was at The Handlebar in Greenville, SC on 04 September 2003. Lots of new stuff... the new songs are all great. Check it out. Got to go to the Spread Your Wings Benefit this past weekend. CIF rocked... obviously... the rest of the bands were good for sure, but none of them "rocked". Weird scene but fun. Although I still hate the Neighborhood Theater for seeing bands, and I will stick by that until they take out the first 15 or 20 rows of seats, get a real bar, and allow smoking. Otherwise it's just... well... crap. I have no idea how they were voted best place to see live music in Charlotte. That is WRONG. But whatever. This was also coming off two nights at Tybee Island. Everyone there was EXTREMELY nice to the band and myself... plus it was on the beach. Nice. Other than the 19-year-old girl who paid about as much attention to me as she did to the music (that is to say: not at all), most of the crowd was either way younger or way older than me. Not that that's a bad thing by ANY means - just means that it's a strange crowd from my point-of-view. Very fun nonetheless. Even though I did lose my sweet sunglasses... And I suppose that's all the music news at the moment. I'll be heading to Raleigh and Flat Rock this weekend, then to Ziggy's and possibly Rocky Mount the following weekend. Although I think I have to work, so Rocky Mount might be a casualty in that battle... Been reading a lot lately... comic books. I don't know ANYTHING about anything. I'm reading the recent series 100 Bullets, and it's really blowing my mind how cool it is. Premise is that someone gives you a briefcase with a gun and 100 totally untraceable bullets. Doesn't even matter if someone sees you pull the trigger - they're untraceable. Inside is also irrefutable proof that someone has directly and intentionally screwed you over in the past and caused your life to take a nose dive for some reason. What you do with the gun is up to you... there's a lot more to it, but that's the basic idea. Very very cool. Also been rereading the entire Sandman series. Just finished Brief Lives the other day and the introduction (that actually appears at the end of the hardcover) by Peter Straub is absolutely brilliant. I used to think I understood these books, but I really never had a clue. There's a new Sandman book coming out today... if you get a chance pick it up and read it. Then read it again. Then read it again. I'm sure it will blow you away. Brief Lives was never one of my favorite Sandman arcs, but now that I am a lot closer to understanding what it's actually trying to say, I find it to be absolutely brilliant. Whenever you die, it's your time to die. Everyone gets the same thing - a lifetime. Is there a word for when you realize that you've forgotten the name of a former lover? Is there a word for when you're introducing two people and, all of a sudden, you realize that you don't remember either of their names? And what's it called... the thing that makes you realize that time is passing? Oh yeah, Change. "I was afraid of that." Change. Is it really that scary? I think the book is sort of trying to say that change doesn't have to be scary. It shouldn't be, and it's necessary to move forward. (Obviously) But people are almost always inherently afraid of change. Stick with the Status Quo and what not. If you do that, will you really be happy at the end of your time? (that's equal to everyone else's - a lifetime) "Brief Lives indeed" says Straub. The intro is just a few pages long - if you can locate it, read it. It will make sense even if you haven't read the book itself. It will, in fact, give much of the plot away, but the ideas it approaches are really really fantastic. Maybe more on that later... after I've re-read it again. And Neverwhere finally came out on DVD in the US. Brian Eno does the music... didn't know that before... very neat stuff. There are definitely some problems with the show (as Neil points out in the commentary), but all-in-all, it's been quite enjoyable. I haven't watched Disc 2 yet, and it's been a while since I've read the novel, so I'm definitely looking forward to the end. I think I remember the big plot twist, but not the details. Don't spoil it for me. That's about it for now. Nothing earth-shattering. Find the Sandman. Listen to CIF. Watch Family Guy. Suggestions from your friendly neighborhood blog. Later...

Labels: Cast Iron Filter, Comic Books